images     Speaking of one`s own context, it is very difficult to identify when self-interest and essential requirements cross the thin line that separates them from selfishness. It would shock you to know, even though you may not be aware, you could be acting selfishly, and consistently. What you could do therefore is to become aware of even the unobvious ways in which we express our self-centeredness. Next is of course, to confront it and deal with it sincerely. Without being judgmental of people, this article presents simple insights to our way of being, how to identify them and modify them positively. Have you: `managed to get your work done by another, no matter what is going on with him` `been very busy over extended periods of time` `made a convenient interpretation of others` `noticed people to be a little reluctant to work with you closely` One may not be aware, that while he is going about doing just common things, yet in reality, it could be possible that your actions are selfish. People`s reaction to you, in form of non-cooperation, reluctance, and disinterest about you is because they sense that you are selfish in your actions. If you were to receive such a feedback, that there is a degree of selfishness in your behaviour, you would call it an undeserved criticism. This is not because you are being defensive, but because, from your perspective your actions are only normal and necessary for you. This is more about a certain conditioning of the mind than about values, morals or behaviour. Early in life, we may have learnt a harsh lesson that unless we learn to protect our needs and interests they may either be overlooked or sidelined. As we grow from there, the attitude to have one`s own interest served slowly engulfs. It is a topic that merits discussion and calls for honest introspection because it is going to define the relationships we have, with the spouse, with friends and colleagues and even with our children. In order to pursue the dedicated path of self interest, there are a whole lot of supporting behaviours that germinate too. Naturally, to have our interest served, we need to manipulate our words and actions. Sometimes when that alone does not yield results, we begin to manipulate people. Scheming and plotting follow. It becomes an unconscious activity actually, because the person hardly realizes what means he is adopting, as his focus is on the `end` ` that is, himself. They develop an ability to express their own desire as though it would benefit others! Sadly, one cannot expect them to invest in people in return for the favour as they are already and always busy. Another typical way of being that develops over time is, inability to share. Whether in the context of ideas, resources, things, and even one`s time, when a person is focused on his own interest, he would be completely unwilling to share. Selfish people gradually become `islands`, and their attitude impacts their relationships negatively. It does not need anyone else to help us see this, you can actually reflect on your own. Here are some every day reactions which arise out of our selfish habits. You can catch yourself when: ` You ask someone to do something which has no value for him, but only for you ` You decline help and support to another because you are busy ` You are about to present craftily how helping you can be a worthy cause for others when it is not so in reality ` You are upset when your need has not been immediately met ` You refuse to give or share something giving an excuse, just because you are not used to giving As a matter of habit, try to cultivate within you the following: ` Offer something you have, and see the joy it brings ` Manage some time for others, just to be with people ` Train yourself to accept delays, let others too get a chance ` Review your thoughts and actions when you get upset over your need not being addressed ` If there is something only for you, try to do it by yourself. There is no harm in being prompt about ones needs. Over time, if you do nothing to add to it, then it shows as a negative attribute and a limiting behaviour, which not only distances you from others, but also reduces your own joy in life. Hence while you are already able to look after yourself, extend that to others and experience the difference. It is worth the effort!

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