Parents often feel it`s their job to get their kids to do well in school. Naturally, you might get anxious about this responsibility as a parent. You might also get nervous about your kids succeeding in life`and homework often becomes the focus of that concern. But when parents feel it`s their responsibility to get their kids to achieve, they now need something from their children`they need them to do their homework and be a success. `This need puts you in a powerless position as a parent because your child doesn`t have to give you what you want. The battle about homework actually becomes a battle over control. Your child starts fighting to have more control over the choices in his life, while you feel that your job as a parent is to be in control of things. The truth is you can`t make him care. Instead, focus on what helps his behavior improve. Don`t focus on the attitude as much as what he`s actually doing.
The hard truth is that you cannot make your children do anything, let alone homework. Instead, the idea is to set limits, respect their individual choices and help motivate them to motivate themselves.
Guide Your Child`Don`t Try to Control Him
Children are motivated`they just may not be motivated the way you`d like them to be. Here are some concrete tips to help you guide them in their work without having to nag, threaten or fight with them.
Ask yourself what worked in the past: Think about a time when your child has gotten homework done well and with no hassles. What was different` What made it work that time` Ask your child about it and believe what he says. See what works and motivates him instead of what motivates you.
Stop the nightly fights. The way you can stop fighting with your kids over homework every night is to stop fighting with them tonight. Disengage. Choose some different steps. Let homework stay where it belongs`between the teacher and the student. Refuse to get pulled in by the school in the future. Stay focused on your job, which is to help your child do his job.
Take a break: If you feel yourself getting reactive or frustrated, take a break from helping your child with homework. Your blood pressure on the rise is a no-win for everyone. Take five or ten minutes to calm down, and let your child do the same if you feel a storm brewing.
Set the necessary structures in place: Set limits around homework time.
- Homework is done at the same time each night.
- Homework is done in a public area of your house.
- If marks are failing or falling, take away screen time so your child can focus and have more time to concentrate on his work.
- Make it the rule that weekend activities don`t happen until work is completed. Homework comes first.
- Get on the same page with your spouse and present a united front
- Let Your Child Make His Own Choices`and Deal with the Consequences.
- You need to back off a bit as a parent, otherwise you won`t be helping him with his responsibilities
- When he stops making an effort and you see his marks drop, that`s when you invite yourself in. You can say, `Now it's my job to help you do your job better.
- Set up a plan with your child`s input in order to get him back on his feet.
- Help your child get back on track by putting a concrete plan in place. And when you see this change, then you can step back out of it.
- Focus on what helps his behavior improve. Don`t focus on the attitude as much as what he`s actually doing.
- Don`t feel it more than he does. Let him choose what he will do or not do about his homework and face the consequences of those choices. Now he will begin to feel ownership, which may lead to caring.
- Let him own his disappointment over his marks. Let him figure out what motivates him, not have him motivated by fear of you. Help guide him but don`t prevent him from feeling the real life consequences of bad choices like not doing his work. It`s better for your child to learn from those consequences at age ten by failing his grade than for him to learn at age 25 by losing his job.
Your child needs guidance from you, but understand that guidance does not mean doing his spelling homework for him. Rather, it`s helping him review his words. When you cross the line into over-functioning, you are taking on your child`s work and putting his responsibilities on your shoulders.
In other words, show him how to help himself. So you should not back off all together`it`s that middle ground that you`re looking for.
Source: Empowering parents