Question: I am working in a reputed IT company in a team of 9 people. Our project and our job require sharing of information, completely and accurately. I am facing a situation where my work and self-esteem is being affected. Few months back I had a major disagreement with three of my colleagues. As a result I began keeping distance. This lasted for a while till I realized that there was a great negative impact of the situation on the project. I started to make efforts to reconcile even though it was not entirely my mistake which brought about the whole situation. I would walk up and be nice, exchange a casual note, try to participate in the conversation. But since it was one person trying to make up with three, I would constantly see a lack of interest from their side. I started to feel more and more left out. Now the situation is not hostile anymore, but more of non-cooperative and unsupportive. What has affected me the most is that when any information has to be shared, I do so regardless of my personal reservations with the teammate. However when it comes to accessing information from others, they clearly withhold it, as a passive extension of the disagreement. I am clueless of what is going on, and very troubled about what it will lead to. I like my job and I want to work in the team, the team that we had. Advice: Seek first to understand, then to be understood, the fifth habit of late Steven R. Covey. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Resolve the conflict, and don`t turn it into a contest. It is very good that you are sharing information from your side, even though your colleagues are not very forthcoming, in time if you maintain your intent to make up, things will improve. Introspection at this time will greatly help. One should be honest and appear to be honest too. Very often we unintentionally end up creating conflicts. Seek feedback from your colleagues, maybe you may have made them feel insecure, and they have banded up together. If that is the case, regulate your arrogance and if you feel that it is they who are being arrogant, individually and collectively towards you, regulate your insecurities. Please remember, life is a marathon, not a hundred meter race. In the meantime, improve your habits at work, especially become focused on health, keep away from too much caffeine or carbonated drinks, control your snacking tendencies. Eat healthy, drink lots of water, and become more organized. Maintain good working habits, that is:

  • be punctual
  • fulfil your work commitments
  • be polite to your colleagues, the ones with whom you have a challenge and with others
  • Tag the thoughts that make you feel insecure, and every time you begin to feel upset, look at a powerful thought that will uplift you

We invite you to , it will keep sowing seeds of positive thinking and be like your friendly guide when you face challenges. Create certain goals and commit to them, please remember, empty mind is a devils workshop. Read the book, Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman over the weekend, especially the part that covers Social Skills, it will give you lots of insight as to how to improve your interpersonal skills.

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